Decisions

I'm sure any of you that know me, know I'm an emotional person. Ok, fine, I'm a sap. Sometimes I cry simply because I need to. Sometimes I cry because I'm fighting with my husband, or I'm overwhelmed or hurting or my friends are hurting or my daughter is hurting or I miss someone. I know these things about me. I know I'm sensitive, but I don't perceive it as a bad thing, it's just part of who I am.

Online has become a difficult place for me now and then. For various reasons, mostly lies, deceptions, and disappointments. I still try and give everyone a chance and see the situation through their eyes as much as I'm able, but there are times I find that task more difficult than others. I like to believe that people generally do not lie simply because they can though. Generally there are reasons, sometimes even good ones for a person's deception. I, however, can never quite bring myself to be deceitful. I am who I am, nothing more and nothing less and there are times that is not a good thing. I'm not stunningly beautiful or exceptionally intelligent. I don't have the perfect past or the best mental state. I struggle with depression, anxiety and PTSD and many times I wonder if it's worth the fight. I know it is, deep down, but there are days I battle more than others. I can be short tempered and a majority of the time I react to things emotionally and the logical side of it all takes awhile to catch up. I spent a lot of my life blaming someone else for my faults, but my faults are my own. Your family, your parents, your past; they can effect you, yes, but we can all choose how we'll react and who we'll be in our present lives. Will we forgive, will we judge, will we hate...they're all decisions each of us have to make at some point in our lives and the decisions will be different for all of us. Online the biggest issue for me always becomes, will I give them the benefit of the doubt? Will I believe my friends, these people I have allowed into my heart, simply because they said it. The answer is almost always yes, but if something happens and I find that those I have befriended have not always been completely honest with me, how should I react? Should I be angry, should I judge? Or should I let it go and hope everything else has been real? I think I'll go with the latter.