Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Same Love

Keeping it Together

The last few weeks have been hard.  Very hard.  I've been trying to put on a brave face and fake smile my way through the days, but it's exhausting sometimes.  Fighting the bipolar without my medications is hard work.  I try and keep myself occupied at all time, run further, meditate more, stay busy and keep moving.  That's how I fight it, I don't know any other way, but it still wins sometimes, maybe most of the time, I don't know.  I do know that trying for a baby and eventually having a healthy child is worth it though.  Kids always are.  There are a few I can keep taking at low doses, but really it's not worth it to me, even if the risk of anything happening is very small, the fact that there would be a risk at all makes it not worth it.  On top of that I'm packing, planning and trying to get things ready for our upcoming move next month.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to crack, but mostly I try and remind myself that it's going to be ok.  Besides, we're moving to Hawaii and you can't really beat that.  Hey, anyone want to come see me try and surf once I'm pregnant?  Lol!  No?  Aw, well, I promise to take pictures.

Boston

I went into town today here in NC, rather depressed from the news and thinking the world has gone mad.  Everywhere I looked though as I drove through, were thoughts of Boston.  Many of the signs now say Pray for Boston underneath the daily specials or what have you.  I cannot fathom why someone would bomb a race, or anything really, I guess I lack the psychopath gene (go me), but it's nice to be reminded that we're not all bad.

The people of Boston will continue to be in my thoughts and I really hope next year's marathon is a raging success.  I'm sure it will be.

This made me laugh.

Song of the Day

So, due to a recent, possibly insanity driven decision on my part I have done away with my bipolar meds.  Now, in some cases that's grand because one drug in particular has been a nasty bitch to get off of and I never plan on taking her again, but for the most part it sucks.  And I mean wretchedly sucks.  I'd forgotten how much of a nut I am sans meds.  Thankfully a good friend of mine, Iv, did not forget and will no doubt remind me in the future when necessary.  At any rate, since I truthfully have nothing good to say and am rapidly fluctuating between sobbing my fool head off and wanting to tell any and all living creatures and some unliving ones too to please fuck off I will just share a video of my song of the day, or the one I'm painting to anyway.

MY KID

Ok, so I'm fairly certain that my daughter's bus driver is one of those asshats (my significant other included) that hits the snooze button various times in the morning.  Sometimes he gets up after one snooze slam, others number 5.  This is my own take on why the bloody heck he's always early or late and the time varies by a good 10-20 minutes.  Either that or a drugged up wanker is driving my kid to school.  Yes, let us stick to option one, shall we?

Well this morning the asshat in question was early.  I mean the very beginning of the 10-20 minute gap early, so of course I'm rushing my child out the door and into the car. Why the car you ask?  Because, my friends, the bus stop is a good 150 yards away and it's 34 degrees outside.  Shell does not stand outside in 34 degree weather.  Oh, hell no.  So there I am, rushing my kid and the two neighbor kids into the car and driving up to the bus stop after the school bus when I proclaim, "ok, get out!"  Now I meant when I was at a complete stop, I did not mean for my daughter to throw the door open at an almost stop and do a dive roll out of the car.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A dive roll out of the car.  Let me explain.  Under no circumstances did I honestly believe she would listen to me. My child, God love her, lives in her own world most of the time.  I don't know what goes on there, but it must be a pretty fantastic place, because you can call her name and tell her to do something at least three or four times before she finally looks at you and says, "are you were talkin' to me?"  It's like living with a mini female Robert DeNiro.  Thus, I did not anticipate the events of this morning unfolding as they did and for all who are alarmed and wondering about her well being (like her mother who was gasping and sputtering in horror at the time) no worries, she's fine.  She jumped up, ran to the bus and laughed her fool head off.  If I didn't know better I'd swear she planned that.