How Unfortunate

Well, I thought I was doing well.  I've had some bad dreams the last few nights and haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep, but nothing too awful.  So, this morning when I was making my daughter breakfast and she began talking about her water that I took from her last night I thought perhaps she had me confused with her dad or that she had lost her mind, or perhaps that she was talking about something that happened a long time ago.  The conversation went something like this:
"Mama, can I have the water you took from me last night now?"
"What water?"
"The water you took."
"I didn't take water from you last night, I didn't even go into your room."
"Yes, you did and you took the water."
"Nora, no I did not and why would I take your water anyway?"
"So I wouldn't pee the bed."
"Oh, ok, yes good reason, but I didn't take any water because you didn't have any water."
"YES YOU DID."
"NO I DIDN'T.  I'll get you new water."  *walks a glass of water over to her*
"Mama!  It's in the fridge in the Spongebob cup."
"No, it's....*opens fridge* ...in the fridge. Oh.  Here you go, sweetie.  Sorry." *Nora huffs at me*

Well damn! I wonder what other fun things I do while I'm in la la land.

Father's Day

It's Father's Day.  We're suppose to be honoring our fathers today, thanking them.  I won't be doing that, but my daughter and I did do some fun projects for my husband.  We called my brother too, whose a father of three, to remind him that he rocks out loud.  I don't mind it so much now.  I don't really know that it's because I'm older or because I'm rarely there.  I think perhaps it's because life has changed.  I don't need to obsess about what I lost or don't have, when I have something here and now that I can embrace and be thankful for.  Yesterday my husband spent the day getting ice cream with our daughter, napping on the hammock with her, playing outside and swimming.  They put the dog in the pool and they made a mess all over the house, but they enjoyed each other. I think he was celebrating being a father this weekend as much as we were thanking him for being one.  My husband isn't always around, he's not always nice (neither am I) and things aren't perfect, but this weekend was pretty damn close.

It's funny what 6 year olds will say.

Depression

It's been happening more often.  Moments I'm not real sure what I was doing, if I have done something, what happened in between being in the bedroom and getting on the road.  Sometimes it's because I'm stressed, but other times it seems to precede the sorrow.  This is one of those times.


I keep hoping someday it will go away.  That I'll wake up one morning and be able to keep the sadness at bay.  Mostly I fake cheer, big smiles, laughs, funny emails.  It's a lie though, done somewhat for myself, but for others too, so they'll put up with me just a bit longer.

Today, the sorrow is suffocating.