A 6 Year Old's Birthday Party

I debated about posting on this, because, well most people don't want to hear about your children or other people's children and what not.  So, I was being polite, but then I remembered that this is my blog, so yeah, here we go: A six year old's birthday party.

Here are some sage words of advise in case any of you have the divine pleasure of hosting a child's birthday party in the future *said with just a touch of sarcasm*:

1. If you rent a bouncy house make sure the sand box they are making out of your yard does not end up inside said house.

2. If a child says he wants in the bouncy house but he does not want to take off his shoes, simply explain life is full of decisions and it is either the shoes or the bouncing.  If he picks shoes, let it go, we all have our preferences.

3. When decorating for a birthday do not draw your own My Little Pony horses, you will be asked to draw things for other children and if you are busy fitting in the time for this can be a bit sketchy.

4. If a child runs into a tree, do not inquire as to why he did such a thing.  He doesn't know, he is 6, and therefore insane.

5. Remember you are serving food for the pallets of children, not adults.  Anything that contains spinach, peppers, tomatoes or any other form of vegetable is deemed inedible and will be spit out.

6. If having a pinata, enforce a five foot rule, as to not allow one child to bludgeon another.  However, if one child refuses to adhere to this rule, simply let him go bat to head, he will then understand the need for the  rule.  Do not, I repeat, do not take a turn from the child and say he cannot participate if he does not listen to your rules. Bite your own finger off, this will be less painful.

7. If you have a cake made for the birthday and it is decorated with figurines or toys on top, remove the toys before placing the cake in front of the children.  If you do not, every child will have a icing lathered toy inside their mouth before you can say "happy birthday."  This is gross.

8. If you allow your child to have a sleepover and throw a large mattress down for both girls to lay on and are then requested to stay on the mattress with them, bring an oxygen tank and mask.  Children roll to warmth and will inadvertently attempt to suffocate you at night by stacking directly on top of you.  Do not attempt to move them, this does not work, they will return.

9. In the morning after, when the children arise, remember they are not possessed by demons, they are simply tired.  I realize the similarities to a demon possessed being will be uncanny, but I assure there is no need to call a priest.

10. Buy wine.